Things I Do Not Wish to Know

Ours is an age of information. You can find out pretty much whatever you want to know whenever you want to know it, just by typing a few words into a search engine. I’m glad: it makes writing novels much easier. But it occurred to me recently that all knowledge is not helpful and that there are some cases where ignorance still is bliss.  So here–in no particular order–is my list of the top ten things I’d just as soon NOT know, thank you very much.

Whoa--keep it to yourself.

Whoa–keep it to yourself.

1. How many insect body parts I consume–unwittingly–in the course of a year.

2. Where my waste goes after I flush the toilet–which I prefer to think of as my “magic disappearing machine.”

3. How many calories are in a slice of veggie pizza. Or in a handful of potato chips. Or in a brownie. Actually, I don’t want to know the caloric content of anything I eat.

4. How many hours a day I spend wasting time on the Internet versus how many hours I spend actually writing.

5.  Whether or not it’s ethical to put a piece of fruit back in the supermarket display after you’ve dropped it on the floor.

6.  What kind of sex life my parents had.

7.  What the dog ate just before I kissed his face.

8.  What my daughter and her friends talk about when they’re alone.

9.  What I look like naked. (Damn you, hotel bathroom mirrors.)

10. What day it is. I know it’s closer to the end of the year than I think: I don’t need details.

Got any of your own?



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4 responses to “Things I Do Not Wish to Know

  1. Anonymous

    My weight,how long the average cat’s life is ( my girls are 13, the average life span of a cat is 8yrs). The cost an education and what happens when I goggle my own name.

  2. How many pounds of dog hair I vacuum a week.

  3. Barbara

    What I look like naked from the back. This is even more awful than what I look like naked from the front.

  4. I definitely do not want to know what really happens behind closed, important doors. People always say that they’d love to be a fly on the wall someplace (eww, by the way – flies are gross) but I believe ignorance is bliss in these situations. If I knew just what was being said by, say, a corporate CEO in charge of a large healthcare organization, I just might lose it! I always want to get involved somehow, so it’s better I just leave it alone.

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