Happy Mother’s Day!

To all you wonderful mothers out there, have a great and decadent day.  Make sure there’s lots of chocolate in it.

And to everyone who has a mother: if you can, call or visit your mother today, and while you’re talking to her, don’t just talk about the stuff you need to do or the stuff you want to buy or the stuff she needs to get at the store or about stuff at all.  Ask your mom what her biggest dream is, what she would love to do given all the time and money in the world, what she thought she’d do when she was young and never did, what she wanted to be when she grew up and whether she achieved that or not and what she thinks now of those old dreams.  Ask her what scares her and whether it’s the same thing that scared her when she was younger or if it’s changed.  Ask her what makes her happiest in life and what makes her sad to the bone.  Ask her–

Well, you get the idea.  I didn’t ask my mom questions like that.   We mostly just rushed through lists of what we had to do and what we were cooking and what was on the calendar and what the kids had said or done.

We did talk more about her feelings when she was dying, but she was dying, so everything was colored by that.  Before then, I was too busy being the center of my own universe to stop and think that maybe this woman had an internal life of her own.  I would love to know the answers to all those questions now.  But it’s too late.  I’ll never get them.

Please, if you can call or visit your mother today, think about how lucky you are.  Even if she drives you crazy.  And know that I’m very very jealous of you.

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5 Comments

Filed under chocolate, family, Uncategorized

5 responses to “Happy Mother’s Day!

  1. Irene Dawn

    What I miss the most is telling my mother news about my kids or my life because I knew she would really care. Is the mother daughter relationship by it’s very nature narcissistic? “No one loves you like your mama.” Your mother probably didn’t want you to ask those questions, she just wanted to hear all those little details about your life. She knew you shared all the most important stuff with her. Maybe that was enough. I’m starting to understand that.

  2. annie

    Claire, you are so right. I often think of all of the things I should’ve asked. So I scrapbook in the hope that I will leave my kids with some stories to cherish.

  3. Claire

    Dawn, I read a book in which someone talks about how, once your mother dies, there’s no way to shout “Look at me! Look at me!” to. I think that pretty much sums it up.

  4. Claudia

    That is wonderful advice. Of course my mom is also dead, but I think it’s good advice for conversations with all older relatives and forces us to see the person outside of his or her role and more as a friend. One thing that hit me after my mom died was that, as Dawn and Claire mentioned, there was no longer someone to brag to about the kids, so I told my sisters we needed to take up that slack for each other and not see “X got elected to student council” as a vain, wretched comment. I also notice that in my friendships with other women whose mothers have died, we sort of talk back and forth in mother-daughter ways, confiding fears about our kids/bragging/listening and saying, “Oh, everything will be FINE because YOU are GREAT.”

  5. I bought my mom a milkshake. And wore my I ❤ Mom t-shirt. But I still probably should have read this yesterday…

    Happy Belated Mother's Day Claire! I hope your kids know how good they have it 🙂

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